How To Ask Someone to Be Your Reference: Sample Templates & Guide

Introduction: Defining References

References, often overlooked or underestimated, are the secret weapons in your career arsenal. They’re not just names on a list; they’re your champions, vouching for your abilities, character, and professionalism. 

They are your trusted allies. 

These are individuals who can attest to your skills, work ethic, and reliability. They give insights into your performance and character that a resume or cover letter simply can’t convey.

We will cover:

• Who to Ask to be Your Reference
• How To Ask Someone to Be Your Reference over Text
• How to Ask Someone to Be Your Reference over Email
• How to Ask Someone to Be Your Reference over Phone
• Handling References from Current Employers
• FAQ

Importance of References

One word: competition.

In a world where competition is fierce and opportunities are coveted, references can be the game-changer. 

Imagine: You’re up for your dream job, competing neck to neck with another candidate. What’s the tie-breaker? Often, it can simply be the word of someone who can vouch for you…

Why? Why would the word of a stranger influence a hiring manager’s decision so strongly?

Because, human beings are flawed creatures. And we are prone to believing anecdotal evidence over statistical facts, especially in situations with high emotional engagement (i.e. hiring someone). We also give disproportionate value to the opinions of others that we most recently engaged with. And we are easily influenced. (That especially includes those of us who think we are the exception 😉)

Influence aside, references add depth and credibility to your application. They reassure employers that you’re who you say you are.

(Note: We are assuming you need to use a reference. For techniques that help you bypass the need for a reference, see Launch Your Career.)

Why Employers Check For References

Employers check for references in order to reassure themselves that you are the right choice, and also to verify your story.

Remember: While the endorsement from your reference is an important element of your job search, the verification of your work history is equally, if not slightly more, important.

Therefore, it is crucial that you communicate clearly with your references and be sure that they both endorse you, and also, validate your career history.

Who to Ask to be Your Reference

Not all references are created equal. Choosing the right individuals can make or break your job prospects. 

While a glowing endorsement from the CEO of your last company can open doors, a lukewarm nod from a random peer won’t carry as much weight. It’s about quality.

The power of a reference is related to the power of the person giving it. It’s about their credibility. It’s about their rank. And it’s about their reputation.

Remember: The most important aspect of a reference is who it comes from, and their professional status. 

Different Types of References and Their Impact

1. Academic References: If you’re a fresh grad or transitioning careers, academic references can be sufficient. Professors, mentors, or advisors who’ve witnessed your academic work can vouch for your potential. If you’re not a fresh grad or transitioning, you better have a good reason to why you are using an academic reference.
2. Professional References: The bosses, supervisors, or colleagues who’ve seen you in action, worked with you on projects, or witnessed you delivering results. Their endorsement carries weight in the professional arena and can sway hiring decisions.
3. Personal References: Friends, mentors, or community leaders who know you on a deeper level can speak to your character, values, and integrity. While they cannot comment on your professional skills, their endorsement can humanize your application.

Red Flags to Watch Out For

Some references can do more harm than good. Keep an eye out for these red flags:

1. Lack of enthusiasm: If a potential reference seems hesitant or unenthusiastic about endorsing you, it’s a clear sign to look elsewhere. Half-hearted endorsements can raise doubts in the minds of employers.
2. Limited knowledge: References who can’t speak to your skills or performance firsthand aren’t worth the risk. Choose individuals who you’ve worked with.
3. Negative reputation: It goes without saying, but associating yourself with individuals known for their unprofessionalism or questionable ethics can tarnish your own reputation. A bad reputation is contagious. Choose references who reflect positively on you by association. Also, be sure to check them online, and especially on social media, before asking someone to be your reference.

Ultimately, you need to opt for individuals who can speak to your strengths, professionalism, and character with authority and enthusiasm. 

Dos and Don’ts of Asking Someone to Be Your Reference

Do:

• Always ask for permission. You must ask for permission before listing someone as a reference. 
• Choose the right time to ask, preferably when your connection with the potential reference is fresh in their mind.
• Use a professional medium, such as a polite email, phone call or text, to make your request.
• Highlight their qualifications or the experiences you’ve had with them that make them a suitable reference for you.
• Provide an easy way for them to decline your request. They may be unable or unwilling, that’s fine.
• When you provide them an easy way to decline your request, be sure to communicate to them that it’s completely fine whatever they choose. Reassure them that it won’t affect your relationship with them.
• After they agree, you may want to send them your updated resume or details about the position you’re applying for.
• Follow up in a timely manner. Thank them for their willingness to provide a reference – regardless of whether you get the job or not.

Don’t:

• Place information about your reference, especially contact information, on public documents such as your resume.
• Assume that someone will be okay with being your reference without asking them.
• Wait until the last minute to ask for a reference.
• If it’s been a while since you’ve been in touch with the person, just ask for reference without warming them up.
• Use unprofessional communication channels (i.e. social media, especially public views of their social media such as their feed).
• Pressure or guilt-trip someone into being your reference. (Trust us, they won’t be a good reference.)
• Neglect to thank your reference.

Tips for Non-traditional References:

• If you’re considering clients, mentors, partners, employees, contractors, or community leaders as a reference, you need to take on a more active role and guide them. Ask them to speak about relevant aspects of your skills, character, or work ethic.
• Provide a list of questions they may be asked to help prepare them.
• Provide context and background information about your relationship with the non-traditional reference to help the potential employer understand why you’ve chosen them as a reference. (You need to have a good excuse, as most employers simply expect to talk with your previous bosses as a reference.)

How to Ask Someone to Be Your Reference over Phone

The best way to ask for someone to be your reference is over the phone.

This is particularly important: If you do not have a sufficiently developed relationship with someone such that you can call them, perhaps they are not the ideal reference…

Prepare Beforehand:

Before making the call, gather all the necessary information about the position you’re applying for, including the job description, your updated resume, and a list of your specific qualifications or experiences you want the reference to endorse you on.

Choose the Right Time:

Select a time when you know the person will be available and not rushed. Perhaps text beforehand. Avoid calling during busy or inconvenient hours.

Be Direct and Respectful:

Start the conversation by thanking them for their time and expertise. While you should carry on with any conversation they choose to initiate, don’t feel obligated to talk just for talking’s sake, especially if they aren’t driving the conversation. You can cut straight to the chase… As long as you are respectful.

Clearly state that you’re reaching out to ask if they would be willing to serve as a reference for you. Briefly explain why you’re interested in the position (if you have a specific position you’re asking them to reference for) and why you believe they would be an excellent reference for you. And ask them if they’d like to help.

Provide Necessary Details:

Offer to send them your updated resume and any additional information about the position or company (if applicable). More importantly, ask if there’s any specific information they would like to know about you or your career aspirations.

Respect Their Decision:

If they agree to be your reference, thank them and confirm the best way for employers to reach them.

If they decline or express hesitation, thank them anyway for considering your request and that you respect their decision.

Sample Reference Request Phone Script:

You: Hi [Potential Reference’s Name], it’s [Your Name] here. How are you doing?

Potential Reference: Hey [Your Name], I’m good, thanks. How about you?

You: I’m doing well, thanks for asking. Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something important. I’ve recently applied for a [position title] at [company name], and I’m reaching out to see if you’d be willing to serve as a reference for me.

(If they accept)

Potential Reference: Oh, of course, I’d be happy to help. (What do you need from me?)

You: Great! Thank you! I’ll be sending you my updated resume and some details about the position via email shortly. If you have any questions or need more information, feel free to reach out to me.

Potential Reference: Sounds good, I’ll keep an eye out for your email. Is there anything else I should know?

You: Just that I really appreciate your support, [Potential Reference’s Name]. Your endorsement means a lot to me, and I’ll make sure to keep you updated on how things progress with the job application.

Potential Reference: No problem at all. I’m glad to help. Best of luck with the application, and let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you.

You: Thanks again, [Potential Reference’s Name]. I’ll talk to you soon.

Potential Reference: Take care. Bye.

You: Bye.

(If they refuse)

Potential Reference: I appreciate you asking, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to commit to that right now.

You: That’s completely understandable, [Potential Reference’s Name]. I appreciate your honesty. Is there anything specific that’s making you hesitate?

Potential Reference: It’s just that I have a lot on my plate at the moment, and I’m not sure if I’ll have the time to do justice to being a reference for you.

You: I understand. Thanks for considering it anyway. If things change in the future or if you have any suggestions for other potential references, please let me know.

Potential Reference: Absolutely, I’ll keep that in mind.

You: Thanks, [Potential Reference’s Name], I really appreciate taking my call. Take care.

Potential Reference: You too. Bye.

You: Bye.

How to Ask Someone to Be Your Reference over Email

Crafting an effective email to ask someone to be your reference is pretty formulaic. Here’s a guide on how to do it:

Subject Line:

Your subject line should be clear and to the point. It should convey the purpose of the email without being too lengthy. Here are a few examples:

• “Request for Reference: [Position Title] Application”
• “Reference Request: [Your Name]”
• “Seeking Your Support: Reference Request”

When composing the email, follow these steps:

1. Greeting: Begin with a polite greeting, addressing the potential reference by their preferred title and name. 
2. Introduction: Express your appreciation for their time and consideration. Briefly mention the reason for reaching out and the context of your request.
3. Explanation: Provide a brief explanation of why you believe they would make a valuable reference for you. Identify specific skills, experiences, or interactions they can talk about.
4. Request: Clearly state your request for them to serve as a reference.
5. Gratitude: Let them know how much their endorsement means to you. Thank them either way. 
6. Closing: End with polite and professional sign-off.

Sample Reference Request Email:

Subject: Reference Request for [Your Name]

Dear [Potential Reference’s Name],

I hope this email finds you well. I’m reaching out to ask if you would be willing to serve as a reference for me.

I have recently applied for a [position title] at [company name], and I believe that your insights into my skills and work ethic would be invaluable to the hiring team.

I’ve attached my updated resume for your reference, and I’m more than happy to provide any additional information you may need about the position or my qualifications.

Please let me know if you’re willing to provide a reference for me, or if you have any questions or concerns. Your support means a lot to me, and I truly appreciate your time and consideration.

Thanks again.

Best regards,

[Your Name]

How To Ask Someone to Be Your Reference over Text

Asking someone to be your reference via text can be convenient, but it’s important to maintain professionalism.

The same rules as the email apply, but it’s more condensed.

1. Keep your message concise and respectful.
2. Address the potential reference by their name or preferred title.
3. Clearly state your request and provide necessary details.
4. Offer to follow up with additional information if needed.

Sample Reference Request Text:

“Hi [Potential Reference’s Name], hope you’re doing well. I’m reaching out because I’m applying for a new job and I’m in need of references. I was hoping you’d be willing to vouch for me based on our work together. If you’re open to it, I can send you more details about the position and my updated resume. Let me know if you’re available to chat about it. Thanks in advance for considering it!”

Handling References from Current Employers

When requesting a reference from a current employer, it’s essential to approach the situation with sensitivity. 

It is better to request references from previous employers rather than your current employer. 

We always recommend that you keep your job search confidential, since that can trigger a replacement process. You may want to consider requesting references from previous employers or other professional contacts who can provide relevant insights without jeopardizing your current position.

Unless it’s explicitly for a position in the same company, when ask for a reference from your employer, what they hear is “you are going to depart”. Therefore, it’s important that you’ve had the necessary conversations with your boss and other stakeholders before asking them for a reference.

Here are some key considerations about the etiquette of asking for a references from current employers:

• Always communicate your intentions with transparency and honesty. 
• Be upfront about your job search and the reason for seeking a reference.
• Choose an appropriate time and method to make your request, such as scheduling a private meeting or sending a formal email.
• Respect the confidentiality of your current employer and your relationship with them.
• Do not openly talk with colleagues about your job search.
• Avoid discussing the specifics about your job search with your boss.

Reference Request Email from Employer:

Subject: Reference Request for [Your Name]

Dear [Current Employer’s Name],

I hope this email finds you well. I wanted to reach out to you regarding an important matter.

As you may know, I’ve been exploring new opportunities to further my professional growth. Given our working relationship and your firsthand knowledge of my skills, I believe your perspective is invaluable. Would you be willing to serve as a reference for me?

I understand that this request may come at a busy time, and I want to assure you that I will handle the process with the utmost professionalism and discretion. If you agree to provide a reference, please let me know how you’d like to be contacted.

Your endorsement would mean a great deal to me as I take this next step in my career.

Thank you for considering my request.

Warm regards,

[Your Name]

FAQ

Conclusion

Securing strong references is a critical aspect of the job search process that can significantly impact your chances of success. 

Key Takeaways:

• References are trusted allies who can vouch for your skills, work ethic, and character.
• Choose references who can provide meaningful insights and endorsements.
• Always ask for permission.
• Never publicly list someone as a reference.
• Maintain professionalism, respect and confidentiality.
• Follow up with gratitude.

Please keep in mind that for references to be truly fruitful, you need to invest in them over time. This means, maintaining positive and productive working relationships with your colleagues and bosses, as well as cultivating connections and networking with other professionals.

Be proactive in building your relationships before you need to look for a job, so that when you do ask for a reference, it’s a breeze.